To submit a question, mail Leslie!
Dear Leslie,
Why is the planet called Forkworld when it clearly has knives, spoons and other utensils?
Ed from Wisconsin
Dear, dear, Ed,
The prongs are where it's at, darling. Things in life aren't always fair, especially when the victors write our history books. In what year I can't remember (I'm a society columnist, not a history professor, mind you.), Ghengis Fork the Great conquered most of the uncivilized world. I'd wager it was around then that forks got their superiority complex.
Leslie,
Why is it that Detective Fork has a suit on when he is around the office and stuff and then it disappears when he wears his coat? Is he naked underneath???
Confused in Detroit
Confused,
Yes, he is Forkworld's flashiest detective. No, silly. See, utensils tend to wear only what they need to serve the situation. When lounging around a dreary downtown office, a dress shirt, vest and plain bow tie are the way to go. When tramping around the wet back alleys of Silver City at some late hour, a hefty trenchcoat is all that is necessary. Utensils tend to be like Mister Potato Head, interchanging whatever fashions or hair they feel like wearing. Also, women usually have on some sort of dress while men go prancing around half naked in the Donald Duck way but that's just because society is full of sexist troglodytes. Next question!
Leslie,
Why is it that when I read about the many zany adventures of Detective Fork it burns when I pee?
Richard in Richmond
Richard,
To answer you at length, Detective Fork is known to cause excitement, especially in the loins. As for that burning sensation, your urinary tract is made up of your kidneys, ureters, bladder and urethra. The kidneys filter the waste that is in your blood and those special tubes called ureters carry urine from your kidneys on to your bladder, where it then is stored until exiting through your urethra. Any part of this fascinating system can fall prey to infection, mainly the bladder and the urethra. In short, Richard, you have an STD.
Dear Leslie,
Some years back before Detective Fork became the famous silverware he is today he and I had a quick tawdry one night stand. He soon left after that and I never heard from him again. Nine months later I gave birth to a bouncing baby fork! While I am an admitted slut I had refrained from my constant whoreing for that evening while I knew the Detective. I am trying to get into contact with him now because he owes me quite a few years of back child support. Can you forward this message to him and have the dead beat detective contact me? "I'll love you forever," my ass!
Frank from France
Dear, erm, Frank
Or should that be Franc? You would not be the first person to cast their eyes upon the Detective. In fact, a certain society columnist I know has been prone to his gruff charms. You are forgetting one important fact about private dicks, though: They rarely get the girl. Detective T. Fork, like most in his profession, has trouble follow him everywhere like an incurable puppy made of disease. Most of the women he falls for end up dead or murderers, or cast somwhere on some other side of bad. And, provided you truly are a lady and not just a very remarkable man, I very much doubt that bouncing baby fork is his. It's not that the detective never has any luck with the ladies, it's just that he's not very fond of croissants.
